shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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