i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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