So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
