did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
