You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
