I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
