true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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