I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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