i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
