Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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