You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize