tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we're making bets on your personal life
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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