so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
