SEEEEXXX PLEASE
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
