Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
