why didn't you poke me back
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I touched a dick in church today
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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