Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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