I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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