apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
