so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
