I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
