Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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