you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
