Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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