Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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