well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
