I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
