just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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