I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
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I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
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The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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