Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
40s are totally the cure
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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