This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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