that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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