I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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