so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
