The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
