You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
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