i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
