Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
