Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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