So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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