I'm jealous of your bromance
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
