I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
