Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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