when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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