I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize