everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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