I must be too annoying 4 u.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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