I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
