one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize