I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
