I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
