I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
honey bunches of taint.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
