there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
