She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
