Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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