sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
