i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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