i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
