omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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