so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
